Niall O'Sullivan

high brow, low brow, none of that stuff in the middle

CM Punk – The Pipe Bomb

Posted on | March 2, 2017 | No Comments

Today, honouring the website’s maxim of “high brow, low brow, ignore all that stuff in the middle”, we’re looking at the underappreciated art of the wrestling promo. If you haven’t a clue as to what a wrestling promo is, no worries. I’m going to define a few conventions while pointing out how CM Punk subverts and reinvents them with the legendary Pipe Bomb promo.

A wrestling promo is a speech or staged conversation that furthers a wrestling storyline. Without storylines, a wrestling match is simply a spectacle of athleticism.

The story is simple. We have the good guy, the face and champion of the WWE, John Cena. CM Punk, the villain, is set to challenge Cena for the title at the next Pay-Per-View and has just interfered in one of Cena’s matches. Typical baddie tactics. But things swerve dramatically from our expectations as Punk takes a seat and delivers his promo.

Wrestlers should emphasise qualities of strength and masculinity in their promos, bad guys can display characteristics of hypocrisy and cowardice but should do so without compromising those traditional masculine characteristics.

Most people entertain a common image of the wrestler flexing their guns and bellowing into a microphone.

Contrast this with Punk, sat cross-legged at a platform opposite the ring. His voice is casual and conversational. His posture is passive. This is more Berkeley campus protest than war boast. His figure resembles that of a typical, health conscious man rather than the tanned, baby-oiled musclemen that typified the WWE look.

An adherent of straight-edge in real life, Punk made it his villainous gimmick – lecturing audiences about their unhealthy lifestyles. This became an advantage when the WWE clamped down on steroid and painkiller use after a series of shocking early deaths from active and retired wrestlers.

The story being serviced by the promo should be a simple one of good vs bad.

We all have an internal image of the good guy/bad guy wrestling promo. On one side there’s Hulk Hogan – flexing his pythons while telling the kids to say their prayers and drink their milk. On the other side there’s the Million Dollar Man – boasting about his wealth as he talks down to his personal valet and bodyguard. The first thing that will become apparent is a mutual loathing that can only be resolved with a big boot, a leg drop and a 1-2-3.

Compare this to the words addressed to by Punk to Cena:

I don’t hate you, John. I don’t even dislike you. I do like you. I like you a hell of a lot more than I like most people in the back.

No reference should be made to backstage goings on. The promo should purely concentrate on the story. The illusion must be sustained

For the rest of the Pipe Bomb promo, Punk refers to himself as the best wrestler in the world, drawing out his pronunciation of wrestler. What is significant about this is that for many years, WWE had been shying away from the word wrestling and its derivatives. Talents were superstars or divas, depending on gender. The product was described as Sports Entertainment.

Punk mentions names from backstage, many of whom have not featured in storylines such as the talent relations executive, John Laurinaitis. He mentions Hulk Hogan, albeit in a derogatory sense, who was also not being referenced by talents as he was working for a rival company at the time. He ponders aloud as to whether he should quit and join Ring of Honor or New Japan, companies never mentioned aloud in WWE before.

The crowd also have a role to play and the speaker should play to or influence that crowd’s role.

By this time, wrestling fandom was made of of two cultures, the first being the casual fans. They showed up at events, bought the merch, cheered the good guys, booed the bad guys. They followed the storylines and showed no interest in what goes on backstage.

The second culture consisted of fans that frequented websites that traded in backstage rumours.

The internet fans were audibly jubilant because Punk was mentioning many things that had been covered on wrestling rumour sites but never before mentioned on WWE programming. This made things even more intriguing as Punk addressed those same internet fans with the same derision:

Oh hey, let me get something straight. Those of you who are cheering me right now, you are just as big a part of me leaving as anything else. Because you’re the ones who are sipping on those collector cups right now. You’re the ones that buy those programs that my face isn’t on the cover of. And then at five in the morning at the airport, you try to shove it in my face and get an autograph and try to sell it on eBay because you’re too lazy to go get a real job.

The promo ends with Punk about to point out the hypocrisy of the WWE’s anti bullying campaign only to have his mic switched off. Moments later, the show goes off the air.

I remember how I felt at the end of that promo, I asked the same question that millions of fans around the world asked, Was that for real?

The answer was that it was for real, but it was still planned. The promo was given with the consent of the powers that be, while at the same time, much of what Punk said was genuine. This became apparent when he quit for real a few years later in similarly controversial circumstances.

So why am I sharing a post about wrestling promos in a series that concentrates on Spoken Word artists? Because I have already mused on the idea of authenticity and I would go further and say that there are few speech acts in Spoken Word and poetry that are as authentic as this.

Could you imagine, for a second, someone from those scenes going off against their benefactors and patrons in as visceral and vitriolic a fashion? Of course you can’t. You know why? Because wrestling is more real that life.

This is the latest in an ongoing series of posts that work towards a criticism of the Spoken Word. I will be looking at all forms of Spoken Word — not just poetry readings and spoken word/poetry performances but stand up comedy, confessional monologues, academic lectures, speeches, wrestling promos and any other act of public speech that rings my bell. All posts will appear under the Toward a Criticism of the Spoken Word category. Click to see if new posts have been added and for any you may have missed.

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